The Not So Big Life

I’ve had many female clients say to me “I can’t find a place here that feels like it’s mine” or “I haven’t been able to find a cozy place to sit and read”. These are clients who live in three to four thousand square foot homes. They complain of wandering aimlessly in their space, not feeling “settled” after a year or more of living there. In Feng Shui, bigger is not always better. I believe that our homes should gently hug us rather than overwhelm us with their size.

Enter Sarah Susanka, author of “The Not So Big House” written in 1998. Sarah is an architect who practiced in the Twin Cities for 15 years. Her book was deemed a “breakthrough” because of its controversial message that we should consider building and/or living in homes that favor quality of design over quantity of space. What a concept! She suggests that it was in the 1980’s that the notion evolved that houses should be designed to impress rather than nurture.

And that brings me back to those clients who complain that they feel “lost” in their new, bigger and better homes. While it certainly is possible to create that nurturing space in a “too big” house that is not what this concept is about. Rather it is about consciousness in building and buying homes with the intention of having them express the personality and lifestyle of the people who live in them. Some of us don’t even know what that is until we move into a home that either dictates our lifestyle or affords us the opportunity to re-evaluate it. I believe that moving, remodeling or building provides a powerful opportunity to reflect on one’s values and lifestyle and an equally powerful opportunity to create a sacred space that will encourage, nurture, and support what it is that we truly want. Perhaps the mantra should be “How do you want to spend your life?” rather than “How do you want to spend your money?”

I had the opportunity to hear Sarah Susanka speak last week. She spoke through the St. Catherine Forum on Women in Leadership. Her topic was related to her latest book, “The Not So Big Life.”

It was inspiring to hear her motivational words and recognize that her concepts of a “soulful” life are the same concepts that form the basis of any study of Feng Shui.

She began by having each of us view a Magic Eye 3D card. We were instructed to first hold the postcard up to our nose. This gave a blurry image. I was struck by the metaphor of just that part of the exercise; That many of us do see our lives with a somewhat blurred vision as we race from one activity or demand to another. We were next instructed to slowly move the postcard away from our face until the image became 3 dimensional. If nothing changed, we were told to pause, breathe, relax our focus, take our time and continue the process until we discovered that we could see something that was always there but that we were unable to see on our first, second, or sometimes, third attempt. We were looking at the same image, but by taking the time to really look, we were able to see something more. We discovered yet another dimension. This is what we mean when we say, “Look at your home with your Feng Shui eyes”. What do you suddenly “see” that was there all of the time? It’s like that proverbial light bulb that comes on telling you that there is another option; there is a way to re-organize a space to allow for more storage, there is another approach that might work better with your boss and so on. These are the “Aha” moments. And they change your life! Sometimes in big ways, sometimes in small ways, but, nevertheless, a shift occurs.

Sarah encouraged the audience to following the synchronicities that happen in each of our lives. And, yes, they do happen to all of us. We just have to pay attention. She says they are the “flow” expressing and supporting you. Again, her words and message were so familiar. After all, Feng Shui is about the flow of energy in our lives. It is about helping us to learn when and how to allow the natural, gentle flow of energy to support us and when and how to contain it when it feels out of control. This kind of consciousness, says Susanka, points the way to harmony.

So what is the not so big life? That question is answered in the next part of her title. “Making room for what really matters”. Of course, we first have to know what really matters to us. This isn't always so clear. Sometime the answer may come after a life threatening illness, a natural disaster, or the loss of a loved one. It’s unfortunate when something devastating has to serve as a wake up call. Perhaps this season we can finally ignore the ads that encourage us to buy more and use that shopping time to reflect on what it is that matters most and then actually make room for it.

I liked Sarah’s suggestion of “seeding” the New Year with your inner longings. It’s about making resolutions, or much better yet, setting thoughtful intentions for your heart’s desires.

My favorite Q and A came when a college student asked, “How do I know if my dreams are too big? The response, “Your house can be too big, but never your dreams”.